When you plan a wedding, there is a lot of consideration that goes into who you invite – your parents, your siblings, your close friends, your extended relatives – and chances are someone (likely multiple someones) on your guest list has children. Inevitably, the question then arises of what to do with the children. Children have a reputation of being loud, energetic, and unpredictable, and these qualities can seem to directly oppose the elegant, organized wedding of your dreams. It is no surprise, then, that the past several years has seen the rise of child-free weddings that take children out of the equation by simply asking parents to leave them at home. The downside to this plan is it inevitably comes at the cost of excluding some parents from your wedding entirely, especially parents of infants and young children who simply cannot be separated. Ultimately, it is up to you if and how many children you invite to your wedding, but if you do choose to include societies smallest members, there are several ways you can plan ahead to make your wedding child-friendly while still keeping it classy for the adults. 

Get Accurate RSVPs

Before you do anything else, the most important thing you can do to help your planning along is to get an accurate count of the children in attendance. On your RSVPs, specify whether or not a family’s children are invited, either by listing those invited by name or by suggesting the number of members invited (e.g. Number of guests attending: _/5). It may also be helpful to ask for the ages of attending children so you can plan age-appropriate accommodations. Be sure to specify, as well, whether the child is invited to both ceremony and reception or just one or the other.

Start Earlier in the Day

It is no secret: the more tired a child is, the more disagreeable they get. To maximize your chances of a pleasant tiny guest, set them up for success by starting the festivities earlier in the day. While older children and teens may embrace the chance to stay up late and push the boundaries of their bedtime, infants and younger children thrive on routine, and their mood is reliant on them getting to bed on time. By starting your wedding earlier in the day, you can ensure that the child – and their parents – have ample time to see you through to your send off, or at least until the child-friendly portion of the night has concluded. With an earlier start time in place, you are setting yourself up for happier, behaved children and grateful parents.

Give Them a Job

Your wedding day is all about you, and this is often a struggle for children as they are used to being the center of attention. The best way to curb an accidental kiddy power struggle on your big day is to play into their want for attention by giving them a job to do. The obvious choice for children close to you or in your family is to appoint them as ring bearers and flower girls, but less obvious roles include carrying the bride’s train as she walks down the aisle, handing out programs or favors, and having them deliver written messages between the bride and groom. For children with whom you are not as well acquainted, you can keep them busy by enlisting them as amateur photographers. Provide disposable cameras and a list of moments to capture. The children will be busy happily snapping away, and you will get the bonus of some potentially incredible candid shots to add to your wedding album. 

Dedicate Space

One of the benefits to asking the ages of the children in attendance is the ability to dedicate age-appropriate spaces for the children to occupy. This could mean including space in the ceremony and reception seating for strollers or infant carriers to be parked, or this could mean including child-sized tables and chairs at the reception for children to eat and play at while their parents enjoy their meals. Alternatively, if your budget allows, you can even dedicate a room indoors or a small tent outdoors as children play areas with a trusted family member, friend, or hired babysitter to supervise.

Supply Appropriate Meals

Unless the children attending your wedding are all infants or tweens, don’t expect them to eat what your adult guests are eating. Ensure there are some child-friendly food and beverage choices available for children with simple palates. Consider offering chicken strips, mashed potatoes, grilled cheeses and other simple foods for children to choose from. Finger foods and fruit grazing trays are also a safe option. Water, tea, and lemonade are easy choices for safe beverages, and you could also consider providing juice in disposable champagne glasses for children to participate in toasts. Note also that many caterers are more than willing to add a few child-sized meals to your contract at a discounted rate, so it is worth communicating with your caterer early on to see how they can accommodate your young guests.

Keep Them Busy

The easiest way to keep children happy during your reception is to entertain them with child-appropriate activities. If your reception is outdoors, you can help them get their energy out by setting up a bounce house for them to play in. Alternatively, provide lawn games like cornhole, connect 4, or giant Jenga that can be enjoyed by guests of all ages. For indoor receptions, opt instead for quieter activities that keep children at their tables. An easy way to do this is to provide some kind of artistic activity like making cards for the newlyweds, building with Legos, or drawing in coloring books or on butcher paper with pencils or crayons (avoid markers as these can stain their nice clothes and your nice tablecloths). 

Start with Kid-Friendly Songs

Just because you have children in attendance does not mean you have to keep the whole night pg. When everyone is done eating, the speeches are finished, and you are ready to get the party started on the dance floor, consider choosing a few child-friendly songs to start off the night. The children will have a blast busting out their moves, the adults will enjoy watching the adorably unbridled creativity, and the lighthearted mood will be set for the rest of the night. Once the few songs are over and the children have danced their fill, their parents can collect them and usher them home. The children and parents won’t feel left out, and you and the rest of your guests will be free to party however you like for the rest of the night.